100 things about the monkey mama

1. I am a practicing Christian but I wasn't one for most of my life.
2. I used to think all Christians were Bible beating Jesus freaks who wanted your money.
3. I still think some are.
4. Before I was saved I was a morally good person with a lot of bad behavior. Or should I say bad habits?
5. I can't believe it's not butter.
6. I alway said I would never ever ever ever have any children.
7. I have 2.5 year old identical twin girls.
8. I always said I would never ever ever ever get married.
9. I got married October 7, 2000. or was it 2001?
10. I got divorced November 29, 2004.
11. I thought I would be married forever.
12. In the last 3 years, especially, I have found out that things will happen in your life that you never imagined and that you can't control.
13. I have a older brother and a younger sister.
14. When we were young my sister and I got a Barbie Townhouse for Christmas then we had a fight and she got slammed on the townhouse and it was never the same. After that we used the elevator as a Barbie coffin.
15. I know all the words to "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers.
16. I am really scared of frogs and lizards. They gross me out.
17. People always think I'm younger than I am.
18. I need to lose weight.
19. My sister looks like a Barbie doll. We don't resemble each other at all.
20. I graduated from a yellow and green college you may know in Williamsburg, VA.
21. My job now has nothing to do with my college major.
22. I used to work for MCI Worldc*m. They are the axis of evil.
23. They wanted me to lie to old people. So I quit.
24. I speak Spanish fluently.
25. I love dogs, but dog hair drives me crazy.
26. Not just dog hair - any lint at all. I'm fanatic with a lint roller.
27. I used to hate my feet because my second toe is longer than my big toe but now I have come to realize that there are a lot of people with uglier feet than mine.
28. I drive myself crazy with all the junk that builds up around my house, then I get it clean for like a week, then it piles up again.
29. I want to be really organized and neat.
30. I cannot face the fact I probably never will be.
31. I think I have been depressed ever since my grandfather died.
32. But I just started taking medicine for it in 2004 when my life exploded.
33. I used to think anyone who took medicine like that was a wackjob.
34. I see a Christian psychotherapist.
35. My mother and sister are my best friends.
36. We fight and hang up on each other just about every day.
37. One day when I was in kindergarten, I pretended that I was taking my Flintstone vitamin but I hid it under my tongue and put it in a tissue then showed it to everyone at school and told them it was special medicine I had to take.
38. I used to teach high school Spanish. Crap. I'm a teacher again.9/05
39. I loved the kids but hated the administration and all those hoops teachers have to jump through.
40. I wish I had enough money to not have to work so I could homeschool my kids.
41. That's never gonna happen.
42. My favorite movies are A Christmas Story, Dirty Dancing, The Princess Bride and Aladdin.
43. Robert Frost is my favorite poet.
44. The Road Not Taken and Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening are my two favorite poems.
45. I love my job, my bosses, and the people I work with.
46. My best friend since the seventh grade is still my good friend although we don't see each other as much as we would like.
47. When we were in high school, we used to climb out of my window after my parents were asleep and put her poopoo brown Chevette in neutral then push it down the driveway and up the road then start it and take off smoking Marlboro Lights, pumping the Rob Bass(It Takes Two), and thinking we were bad to the bone.
48. If you disagree with me and I know I'm right, I will debate you to my final breath.
49. This drives my family crazy.
50. I was the state debating champ in high school my senior year.
51. I couldn't go to the Nationals bc it was the same day as our graduation.
52. I can't stand it when people talk really loud and/or up in my grill.
53. If you want to discuss something in a nice normal voice, that's fine.
54. I also hate it when people flail their arms around when they're talking.
55. My brother is an agnostic. I love him dearly. He likes to debate me alot when a hot topic arises.
56. He is the firearms king of the planet. He works for the government and knows everything about every gun ever made on the Earth.
57. I'm a speed reader and I get bored easily.
58. My mom sacrificed alot when we were young to be home with us. She gave us all our love of reading.
59. Now that I have an Ipod mini and Audible, I can do three or four things at once and not be so bored.
60. My Ipod mini is pink and so is my purse, my wallet, and a large portion of my wardrobe and shoe collection because pink is my favorite color, in case you hadn't guessed.
61. I used to have 2 tattoos and a pierced nipple. That was in my badass days. I'm not supposed to say ass anymore. But I would still be thinking it. Thus proceeds the struggle of good vs. evil.
62. Now I just have the tattoos.
63. I'm not sorry I got them.
64. I met my husband when I was working in this crazy biker bar and hanging out with people who had names like Spider, Renegade and Firestarter.
65. People used to get stabbed there a lot.
66. I never did. But I did get accidentally cracked in the head with a pool cue in the midst of a melee.
67. Sometimes I can't believe I'm alive after all the stuff I did.
68. God was definitely lookin out for this chick.
69. I surely don't deserve everything He has given me.
70. But I am the perfect example of a work in progress and a sinner saved by Grace.
71. Being good is a lot harder than being bad.
72. My kids are absolutely beautiful creatures who can make me happy no matter how sad I am.
73. Their feet look like their dad's.
74. I can cook anything from scratch without a recipe.
75. I am vehemently pro life, but I will listen to your point of view and not judge you for it.
76. My parents are the best two people I know.
77. Without them I could not do this whole living thing.
78. My children are named Hannah for I Samuel 1 and Lily for Matthew Chapter 6.
79. Once I didn't eat anything chocolate for four years because God wanted me to practice self denial with the food I wanted the most.
80. I know that sounds crazy to you.
81. I dig cheesy 80's music.
82. My sister can put her entire fist in her mouth but I can't.
83. My favorite shopping websites are overstock and ebay. Most of the the time it's just window shopping. I like to put alot of stuff in my cart and then not buy any of it.
84. My favorite stores are TJ Maxx and Target. I have to stay away from those as much as possible.
85. My girls have alot of clothes because I sell their old ones on ebay and buy new ones with my Paypal Mastercard. People think I spend alot of moolah but I don't. Ha!
86. My favorite brand of shoes is Franco Sarto. Needless to say I only have like 50 pair. Just jokin'. Maybe 5.
87. Big feet run in my family. I wear 10s. My mom wears 11s. My grandpa wore a 16AAA. Yowza!
88. My kids have little feet.
89. I don't care for the politics of the United Methodist Church. They're a bunch of pompous blowhards.
90. I go to a United Methodist Church. I'm considered a big mouth rebel there.
91. My grandparents, then my parents have always had businesses so I have worked since I was old enough to stand on a fruit crate and run the cash register.
92. Still I managed to become what my mom calls a spoiled brat.
93. I like to travel but I wouldn't want to live anywhere besides where I live. In the last few years I've been to Pennsylvania, Maine, Oregon, Florida, Utah, and Arizona. For my job.
94. I only like gold jewelry never silver. And nothing fake. Does that sound snotty?
95. I don't have a big collection of jewelry.
96. I scrapbook but it takes me forever to finish a page because it has to be exactly like I want it. If you want to see some pages, just let me know.
97. I left home as soon as I graduated and said "I'm blowin this pop stand and I ain't never comin back!" Guess where I am 11 years later?
98. I wonder alot about God's purpose for my life and how I'm going to make it with just me and my monkeys but I know that He doesn't make mistakes.
99. I love hot sauce and my favorite kind is Cholula. You should try it if you never have.
100. My life is evidence that God is real.

Posted by monkey mama at 6:29 AM